i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Randomize
