its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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