May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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