Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
