A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
