I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
