I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
