I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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