my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
