She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
