I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We have so much sex to catch up on
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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