the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
