He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
