my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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