u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
