At least make sure they are 18
Why
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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