I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
