Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
