he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
