I'm laying in your front yard are you home
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
