i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
