the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize