The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize