she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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