just tell him i said nine months
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
