Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
