So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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