A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize