Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(973): View more from New Jersey

On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?

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(817): View more from Texas

Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you

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(619): View more from California

Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..

(1-619): View more from California

I am not bailing you of of jail

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.

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(845): View more from New York

Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'

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(585): View more from New York

She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back

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(330): View more from Ohio

He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.

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(312): View more from Illinois

My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...

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