Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
