They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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