i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
