He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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