You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize