...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
