you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
