i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
