I wanna bring you to show and tell
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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