What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
