Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Randomize
