I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize