btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
