He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
