Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
