Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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