If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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