Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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