My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
