I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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