She went from zero to smokin in five shots
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
