I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
It all started with a game of naked twister.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
