I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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