Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
