Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
