I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Dicks are not precious.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
