chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Hippo gnu deer
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
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