Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
