yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
