Me. At least after what I've been through.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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