Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
