is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Farmville is her only friend.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
