I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
