I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
