you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
