Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
