Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
