She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
