i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
