so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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