i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
